Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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