I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
