Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
