I can't breathe out the right side of my face
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
