like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
please come you make the beer taste better
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
