my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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