and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
