Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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