I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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