Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
