he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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