guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
my poor anus
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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