My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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