I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize