I CAN MOONWALK!
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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