two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
