4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
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