i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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