Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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