atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
