ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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