I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
