Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
