Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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