The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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