she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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