Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
