It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I love how my cats smell like pot.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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