Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Pants are for mortals
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
