Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
