1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
do nipples grow back?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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