So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Dear god my vagina.
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