...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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