I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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