Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
