I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
how drunk are you?
Several
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
