I got chris browned last night
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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