why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
