Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
