he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
