hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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