Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
