I look better un-naked...
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
