I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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