i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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