WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize