I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
