I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
