one word: firstdatebathroomanal
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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