You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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