Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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