u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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