haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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