my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
