i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
im holly from the hills drunk
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
