when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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