just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
