he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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