At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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