woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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