I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
