I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
