I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
