you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
