Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Floor bacon is actually really good
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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