it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
