could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize