He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
