I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
