Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My feet surprised me
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