i don't like sucking hair
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
